I’m kidding :) Here you go, a new vlog entry.
Oct 06 2015
I am confused now … because I think I like women more than I like men. I definitely like Ruby Rose and I would love having her in my bed every now and then …
Oct 02 2015
Today an old friend contacted me to talk, because he broke up with his girlfriend and he needed to talk with somebody who might understand.
I do not like to tell people what to do, nor how to act because no two situations, or two persons are the same and I also consider that nobody should give advice he or she cannot follow.
But in this case I did neither, I just told him what I wished somebody would have told me a long time ago.
If somebody wants to be with you, that person would be with you. It is as simple as that. People make decisions and people should respect the decisions of others.
When a relationship ends, we suffer a loss. Pain, hate and confusion are normal things to be feeling. But they will fade away eventually.
When a relationship ends it does not mean that the other did not love you. If they try to console you, they did and they obviously still care. But accepting consolation from the person that stabbed a knife in your heart, is like allowing them to twist the knife. So what you should do is to keep your distance, tell them to stop calling you, tell them to stop trying to console you, tell them you will be ok without them and that you respect their decision.
That’s all. I hope it helps.
Stay safe, stay happy!
Oct 02 2015
I love my brains. Seriously, I really do. It is stronger than any CPU, it is one of the most fast brains I know and also is multi tasking capable. It has the most creative ideas when it comes to work and the best ideas when it comes to anything else.
For a while I thought it will never be able to properly drive a car or learn the size of the car it was constantly driving, but apparently it managed to adapt.
It creates scenarios on how some things should work, on how things should be done and sucks up the fear of change so it can make them happen.
It finds strength and hope in the most oblivious places and no matter how little it is, it can use it as fuel to get back on the horse and back to in any fight.
But sometimes I hate my brains. I hate it when it refuses to sleep and continues creating scenarios involving people that I really do not want to think about, nor remember.
It is more than a week now that I keep dreaming of my ex boyfriend and his new happy life with his new younger girlfriend. And in my dreams I envy him, and I try to hurt him and her, and I woke up and start crying, because that is not me. I cannot explain why I dream these things as I have no desire to hurt anybody and anything. The me that I know and love has moved on. I am enjoying my life in a way I never knew I could. I am doing anything I did not have the time, resources or motivation to do until now. I am happy in my own way and couldn’t care less of how the rest of the world is happy.
But my fucker brains keeps trying to remind me that I should think about how other people live their lives. And I refuse to do that, because smart people do not think about how other people live their lives. They think about the laws of the universe and their own lives. And God dammit I am super smart and super selfish, this will have to work.
Sep 30 2015
I like John Oliver, I really do, but this is one thing he is wrong about. In his last episode of the last week tonight, he mentioned that Europe needs new blood, as people are not making babies anymore and the population is dropping.
This is one thing I do not get. Why do we care so much if the population is dropping in numbers? Why do we need that many people anyway? For whom is it bad if there are less people in the world? Because I know one entity that is better off with less humans and that is mother nature.
Imagine that: less people, less cars, less need for fuel based industries, less… anything. If population drops in numbers, there might be a chance that apartments and houses prices drop and maybe we’ll be out of homeless people. Less cars being used, means less pollution, fuels prices might drop too, hell prices for anything will drop too.
Consider this, we have robots that can do a lot of things for us. We do not need that many people anymore. We need less people, but that they are better taken care of and better educated. Quality over quantity right?
You know who needs a lot of people? Religion does. And and really wealthy people that made their money by selling stuff to poorer people.
So, excuse me if I do not agree that Europe should accept Muslim immigrants because apparently its population is dying. The population of Europe is not dying, it is finally finding the equilibrium of its own growth.
Sep 26 2015
Anul ăsta se fac 14 ani de când nu mai ești Bogdane. Durerea s-a atenuat Bogdane, dar nu a trecut. De fiecare dată când ascult anumite melodii îmi amintesc de tine și mă gândesc că încă aș fi preferat să mă duc eu în locul tău. Ai fi putut face atât de multe Bogdane, ai fi putut avea o familie și ai fi putut să îți crești și educi copiii să fie oameni buni așa cum ai fost tu. Iar eu aș fi putut fi mătușa iubitoare de pisici care umblă mult prin țări străine și le aduce toate nebuniile posibile. Pentru că mie mi-au ieșit multe Bogdane, dar treaba asta cu familia și iubirea nu mi-au ieșit până acum și nu trag speranțe să îmi iasă.
Bogdane, când ai mei m-au mutat de la Râmnicu-Vâlcea, îmi pierdusem motivația pentru orice. Dar m-am ținut de învățat și de sport și am făcut tot posibil să fiu o persoană la fel de bună ca tine Bogdane, pentru că ești singurul care îmi spunea că sunt isteață și că ai încredere în mine. Eu n-aveam și după ce te-ai dus, n-am avut multă vreme, dar m-am prefăcut că am și a fost bine până la urmă.
Bogdane îmi lipsești uneori de mă doare sufletul. Aș da orice să mai ieșim la o bere sub cerul liber, să vorbim despre nimicuri, să îmi spui că nu știi sigur ce vrei să faci cu viața ta, că planul tău este să o lași să curgă și ce o fi o fi. Eu a trebuit să o forțez pe a mea, altfel aș fi murit o dată cu tine. Oricum mare parte din mine s-a dus atunci, partea aia care rezona cu tine, care iubea zâmbetul tău strâmb și căreia i se lumina ziua când se întâlnea cu tine, zâmbet pe care mi-l amintesc perfect, deși restul feței tale e oarecum în ceață. Știu că aveai un nas mare ca taică-tău și ochi căprui spre negru ca ai mei. Știu că aveai o frunte mare și părul negru și puțin ondulat. Știu toate astea, dar nu le pot pune la un loc ca să îmi amintesc fața ta și mă scoate din sărite chestia asta.
Da știu, unii or să mă declare nebună, după 14 ani încă plâng pe cineva care n-a fost să fie al meu, care n-a știut cât de mult l-am iubit, dar asta e, asta sunt, asta simt, așa simt eu. Nu vă place n-aveți decât să mă renegați ca prietenă și gata.
Bogdane, aș vrea să mă vezi acum, cu ideile mele fixe de cumpărat o Tesla și de mutat în Elveția. Aș vrea să mă vezi femeie cu adevărat Bogdane, că n-ai apucat. Aș vrea să vezi la ce ai contribuit cu viața și cu moartea ta. Probabil că ți-aș place.
Odihnește-te în pace!
Sep 23 2015
Each of us lives with a lots of monsters. They hide in the closet, under the bed or in the shadows. But the truly dangerous ones are the ones that hide inside the soul. I call them the anxiety monsters, because every time they bite they make people anxious.
I have had many monsters, but I have dealt with them one by one. Some I’ve killed, some I’ve chased away and some I made them my friends. But monsters are monsters, it’s in their nature to bite from time to time apparently for no reason. One of my monster friends is Loneliness, I call it Looney, because when it bites I have the tendency to go a little crazy.
I do not feel lonely a lot of times, because I learned to enjoy Looney’s company. But just like my cat, sometimes Looney bites harder than expected. It’s not about having someone for almost anything I need, it’s about having someone’s arms around me when I sleep from time to time. Because no matter how strong, how tough, or how used to being alone you are, you need the protection of somebody’s arms when you feel vulnerable. You need the song of another heart in your years and you need somebody’s breath on your skin.
I’m not talking about sex, because sex is quite easy to get. Plus sex should provide the opportunity for human connection, that’s why sex without love is pointless. More than that, it makes people sad. Reading what I just wrote I starting to think that my last boyfriend was that sad because he was not in love with me, he was just fucking me. Never mind, the past is the past.
And never mind all this shit, I know I am tough and I can handle a little mind fuck. I mean, except for these moments when my mind gets overcrowded with the darkest thoughts, my life is as good as I never even dared to dream. So I just have to wait. Better times will come.