• Common 03.03.2015 No Comments

    fight

    Acum ceva vreme m-am mutat in Sibiu la o casuta ce are la demisol un apartament destul de incapator. Am observat ca pe aici de poarta construitul caselor cu demisol, care se vinde sau se inchiriaza pentru un banut in plus in gospodarie. Dar nu mi-as fi imaginat ca cineva ar fi dat 50.000 de euro pe un demisol intunecos, sub o casa fara cine stie ce curte in care sa-ti poti parca masina. Dar e in centru, ce stiu eu?

    Demisolul a fost cumparat de un cuplu tanar ce are un catel mic, simpatic si cret. Nu stiu exact ce lucreaza pentru ca nu sunt interesata de imprietenirea cu tanarul cuplu, mai ales dupa ce am auzit manelele racnind dinauntrul cuibusorului lor de nebunii.

    Daca la inceput ma deranja doar faptul ca timp de trei luni dupa mutare, masinile diverselor rubedenii si prieteni imi ocupau locul de parcare si faptul ca petreceau pana tarziu si aparent podeaua nu e asa de groasa incat sa estompeze zgomotul petrecerilor de dedesubt(de fapt sunt invidioasa pe oamenii astia asa de sociabili si veseli, da… aveti dreptate :P), in timp vizitele rubedeniilor si ale prietenilor s-au rarit, iar sentimentul de obida pentru deranjul provocat a devenit mila. Pentru ca tinerii insuratei au inceput sa se certe. Urat de tot.

    Am auzit cuvinte intre ei pe care nu vreau sa le repet. Cred ca numai cuvinte de genul ar distruge o relatie. Nu cred ca au ajus la violente fizice, dar nici nu mai au mult. Aseara am ascultat din nou o cearta. Ea ii spunea ca nu s-a maritat ca sa stea singura si el sa umble fleaura. Cred ca banuieste ca o inseala. Am auzit iar niste niste cuvinte urate, cuvinte pe care cred ca le-am auzit la un moment dat si in certurile parintilor mei.

    Nu stiu ce ii tine pe oamenii astia impreuna, dar cred ca ar fi mai fericiti vazandu-si fiecare de viata lui. Stiu ca e oarecum umilitor sau demoralizant sa renunti, ca in timpul vietii ti s-a spus sa lupti pentru ce vrei, dar uneori e singura solutie. Si e cel mai sanatos lucru pe care il pot face. Pentru ca lupta pentru o relatie moarta, poate fi asemanata cu lupta pentru cucerirea de teritorii. Poate o vei castiga, dar cu un pret prea mare, iar teritoriile vor fi pustiite deja.

    Eu am luptat pentru o relatie care a murit la exact un an dupa inceperea ei. Am tras inca aproape trei(da, TREI) ani si m-am pacalit ca pot face lucrurile sa mearga. N-am renuntat pentru ma gandeam ca de asta n-au mers relatiile anterioare, ca am renuntat EU prea usor. Dar ascultandu-i aseara pe cei doi certandu-se, m-am gandit ca aceia doi puteam fi noi si am strans pisica in brate si m-am bucurat ca s-a terminat totusi.

    Decat sa ajung sa ma cert asa cu cineva sau sa fac pe cineva atat de nefericit, mai bine ma cert si ma fac nefericita doar pe mine. Si poate la un moment dat, cand voi invata sa imi accept greselile, defectele si tristetile, poate o sa fiu multumita si fericita cu mine.

  • Common 27.02.2015 No Comments

    Never in any other case a movie character fit the man so much. Leonard Nimoy was my favorite actor since I saw Star Trek a few years ago. When I say I saw Star Trek I mean of course all series and all movies. I loved Spock and his Vulcan nature and I love Leonard Nimoy once I got interested in the man behind the character. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that Spock and Leonard were very much alike.

    In another universe maybe me and Leonard Nimoy were friends. Maybe we still are. But in this one, I am alive and well and he is no more. And although we never met, when I read the news of his death all I could say as: “No no no, this is just another internet hoax. No, it can’t be!” with tears filling my eyes.

    Maybe I never met him, but I feel the world is now poorer without him. Because he had a wonderful and rich soul.

  • Common 16.02.2015 No Comments

    Because the film has been released the previous week, and now more people are interested in the book also, and started comparing the books with the movies I think it is time for me to write about this, because having read the books twice I think my opinion would be quite… spot on.

    I read the books in English last year. From a literary point of view, they are trash literature. Repetitive phrases and expressions, the famous “Oh My”, stupid email transcripts and the list can go on. I actually bought and read the book in Romanian because the translation in Romanian is hilarious. The story line lacks that grabbing quality that better books have, that keeps you with that book in your hands and you hate the fact that you really have to put it down because it is late and you need to sleep because you have work tomorrow. It is just a plain love story of how an inexperienced young girl falls in love with an older man (not much older though, only 6 years older). And this man happens to have a lot of money. Then some action is forcefully added to get them closer and add some real tension, beside the sexual one. Just like in cheap soap operas, some crazy ex-girlfriend appears that tries to kill the new girlfriend. But she does not try too hard really. Then some envious old step-brother appears and tries to get his revenge on the main protagonist for something that happened in their really early childhood. Honestly, most literature is fiction but written in such a way it could be believable, but the plot for the third book is so badly wrapped up that it is just so… ridiculous. In Romania we have an expression for this: “a se lipi ca nuca de perete”, which can be translated somewhat like this: “it sticks like a nut to a wall”(because it doesn’t, get it? Oh, nevermind.)

    Leaving all that aside, the books and the movies are about one thing: the compromises persons being in love have to make. Seriously, ignore all the crappy writing, BDSM inaccuracies, that fact that he is rich and experienced and her a poor naive young girl. What are you left with? With the compromises that love makes us do.

    It is as simple as that. Maybe this movie and the books should be a reality wake up call. There are real persons out there willing to use sex as a weapon, to use it to control you, to use you, abuse you and then leave you. All the compromises that you will make in love might get you nowhere. The real world Cristian will not fall in love with you just because you were a virgin. The real world Cristian will not give you any safe words. And the real world Ana will not turn into sex bomb just because she starts wearing thousand dollars designer clothes.

    But I do not think many will come back after seeing the movie with this opinion. Some men will be outraged that there was no explicit sex scene. Most girls/women will probably have higher expectations from “their Christian”. Some might get curious about BDSM. Some men might even start to work harder because money is power and this is also a key point of the movie.

    We are all different and we see everything the way we are.

    (Image source)

    Most detailed review of the books: part1, part2, part3.

  • Common 11.02.2015 No Comments

    I told him some time ago that it will be my last try. He probably did not believe me. He knew I do not give up easily. And you know what? It is true. I do my best in everything I do.

    But there are things in life you have to let go. You have to stop trying because succeeding in those particular areas does not depend on you. It’s like swimming against the current. I never had a list of things I stopped trying, but if I would start one now, the first thing I would write on it is “LOVE”.

    I am not good at it. No idea how to get it. No idea how to win it. No idea how to maintain it. So I give up. You see, there are things that people enjoy to do, but they can live without. No doubt love is one of those things, but I have been living without it for more than 6 months and I’m fine without it. I am the best me I have been so far. Maybe I became a little selfish, a little overconfident in my abilities and a little too enthusiastic about the things I can do and I like to do. But who cares? There is no one there to judge, to worry about that they will stop loving you for being…”wrong”.

    Indeed people can live without love. People have lived so far without feeling a lot of things. We can live well enough without love. Love is overrated. The fact that the majority of people consider it important, it does not make it so.

    Some time ago I read a teen novel about a world that has found a cure for love. I would love to world in a world like that. In that world I would be normal now.

    Stay safe! Stay happy!

  • Common 28.01.2015 1 Comment

    He said I should be thankful that I met him, that we taught each other some things. What he taught me is how to be alone. Because never ever before I met him I felt so alone.

    As a kid I was a loner, always stuck in my head daydreaming, identifying problems and designing solutions. I use to hide away in my mind from others, because there was no use in communicating if I were misunderstood. My body was there, but my mind was wandering in the infinite universe that is imagination. It was great, but it was still lonely. Then I grew up and I started leaving my mind sanctuary from time to time, because reality was pulling me in. But when I needed to escape and my sanctuary was always there.

    Then I met him and I really, really wanted to stay close to him in reality. But he hurt me, he misunderstood me, so I began going back to my sanctuary again and again and again. Then he left. My link to reality disappeared. You would think that this would leave me forever in my sanctuary, but for a while it was exactly the opposite.

    Then things started to go back to normal. I went back to my sanctuary, I rebuilt the walls. I made them thicker, higher, stronger. It was still lonely, but it did not bother me anymore. I am strong you see, I fear nothing. I thought I feared being alone. But the thing I feared the most, is feeling alone with someone by my side. Feeling alone when you are actually alone is just natural. Like feeling hungry because you did not eat.

    So yeah, I should thank him. He taught me how to be alone. He helped me accept that I will always be alone, in my mind or outside of it. And you should not fear the things that you have no power to change.

  • Common 18.01.2015 No Comments

    Love is like glass, it is beautiful, it is delicate and it is fragile. It can break easily, and even if put back together it won’t ever be the same and can no longer fulfill its purpose. Fuck it, I just bought plastic cups for myself.

    Anger is the feeling that hides other feelings that hurt too much. It is less painful and easier on the mind and body to be angry than to be sad,frustrated, disappointed or betrayed. It is also more motivating too. A lot of people start practice sports in order to deal with anger, they focus it and they direct it on their bodies. That’s why I run long distances. That’s why I use my bicycle a lot. That’s why I do pushups in the morning. Because I am so sick of being angry. I’d rather be tired.

    Having social anxiety is the symptom of being an empath. As am empath you feel what others feel, you are being overwhelmed with other people feelings so much it becomes hard to know your own. Negative feelings are most contagious than positive ones. That’s why I’m antisocial. I’m so sick of dealing with other people’s demons. I can barely deal with my own.

    Being alone means having nobody else but you for company. If you hate to be alone, that means you are such a shitty person that not even you like yourself.

    Belief is the most precious thing a man has. It does not matter the focus of a belief, if somebody else shits on your belief repeatedly, you will snap. People snap differently. Some cry, some run away, some give in and stop believing, some kill themselves. And some react violently. We are weak, we are only flesh and blood after all.

    People say that being a lady means you have to keep your feelings hidden and always be good and kind to everyone. But keeping feelings inside builds up frustration and not everybody deserves goodness or kindness. I have never been a lady and never will be. I’m too true to myself and too fair for that.